Have you ever wondered why some people always seem to be happy, even when they're going through a lot? Why do their eyes tell an altogether different story from their persona and lips? Why do they look physically present but mentally elsewhere? As a psychotherapist, I see so many such individuals each day who are struggling with pain and disappointment within, even though they may have achieved great success in their lives, or at least they look so from the outside.
So what makes them smile from the outside even when they are deeply depressed within?
Maybe it's because they are afraid of being judged. Maybe they don't want to burden others with their problems. Or maybe they are simply ashamed of feeling a certain way.
Whatever the reason, it is important for them to know...to remember that it's okay to not be okay. We're all human, and we all experience pain from time to time. There's no need to pretend that we're perfect, or that we have everything figured out when it's not. We can be imperfect and yet be satisfied too.
The Pain of Unfulfilled Dreams
One of the most common sources of pain is the pain of unfulfilled dreams. We may have set out to achieve certain goals in our careers, our relationships, or our personal lives, but we may not have reached them yet. This can lead to feelings of disappointment, guilt, and even shame.
It's important to remember that it's okay to not achieve all of your dreams. Life doesn't always go according to plan. But it's also important to be honest with yourself about what you really want. If you're unhappy with your current situation, don't be afraid to make changes.
Congruence is the alignment of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. When we're congruent, we're living in a way that is true to ourselves. We're not pretending to be someone we're not, and we're not hiding our true feelings.
Finding congruence can be a challenge, especially if we've been carrying around a lot of pain and disappointment. But it's worth it. When we're congruent, we're more likely to be happy and fulfilled.
How to Find Congruence
Here are a few tips for finding congruence:
Be honest with yourself about what you want and need. What are your true goals and dreams? What are your values? What makes you happy?
Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Don't try to suppress your pain or disappointment. Acknowledge your feelings and allow them to move through you.
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would treat a friend.
Seek professional help if needed. A therapist can help you to understand your pain and to develop strategies for coping with it.
In conclusion, it's not easy to live with unfulfilled dreams and the pain that comes with them. But it is possible to find congruence and satisfaction in life. If you're struggling, please know that you're not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. Please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist for support. You deserve to be happy.
If you're feeling stuck and unable to find congruence on your own, I encourage you to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your pain, develop coping mechanisms, and create a plan for moving forward.
Remember, you don't have to carry the weight of your unfulfilled dreams on your shoulders. There is help available.