Do you feel you are faking happiness in order to fit into some social standards or to fulfil someone’s expectations? Do you feel that when you do so you actually dissociate more from your real self? Does doing it on a regular basis make you more unhappy from within? If you agree with all of the questions above, then no wonder you are living a life of fake happiness.
You are "pretending to be" happy; you aren’t really! And the more you do so, the more you find yourself drifting away from your real self. But then you don’t see a way out, isn’t it? You believe that this is the only way you can fulfil your desires or secure a place in your social circles. Additionally, you are convinced that no one will understand your real feelings or you will be mocked.
These beliefs lead you to believe in a fake mask of happiness. You find it a better deal than being mocked. Unfortunately, and even more so, this is not just you! There are so many out there. All of them are constantly divided between what they want and what they want – yes, you read it right! They aren't sure which want is the real one. Is the one that society expects them to want is correct or is the one that they feel is their personal need is the correct one? Divided between these two types of wants, they continue to smile stretched, just like the way it’s shown in the picture below.
The question is, is there any end to this phenomenon, or does it only end when we lose ourselves to it. It further brings to mind why are we doing it in the first place?
Ask this to yourself in reality – why are you unhappy from within? Ask yourself that why are you faking your unhappiness as something else outside? What or who is pushing you to do so?
When you get some answers, ask yourself further how important is that thing or person as compared to the imbalance you are living with?
Is there really no way that you can live a truly happy life? Or is it that you do not want to be convinced by the solution because it may not fulfill a desire you have?
When you ask yourself such questions, you will have your answers. You will realize that you are the only one who is not ready to compromise on high aspirations. Your belief is rigid and you won't accept anything less. It is you who, even if not deliberately, has made this choice and you are well aware of the consequences. In simple words, you are not living your real self because you have chosen to fulfil a certain desire at the cost of your own happiness. Faking it seems to be a smaller cost to you than losing it all.
While you are undergoing this self-examination, do not attach any sort of guilt or shame to it. You are no different from the rest of the world, when you say that you want to fulfil certain desires. The only thing you should keep in mind is not to lose yourself in the process.
When you know yourself and your desires better, accept them. Be accepting of what they are, but remember to return to your true self regularly. As a result, you will not be forced to leave it all, but will remain connected to your real self as well.
Give time to self-reflection. Come back to yourself as often as you can. And tell yourself the truth. Be accepting of your desires, your responses, your expectations, in essence, your inherent human nature. And between these expectations, give yourself space to connect with your core. It's probably not the solution, but a balance somewhere in between that can help you sail through life..
Hope it helps you!
If it doesn't, feel free to reach out!
My warm regards,
Komel Chadha
Psychotherapist
www.komelchadha.com
+91 9811941192